


Runaway Train

by aswerene



Series: Batman Universe AU [1]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Nightwing (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: AU, Gen, Permanent Injury, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-10-26 05:14:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10780305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aswerene/pseuds/aswerene
Summary: I take the gun from his fingers, place it on the ground beside me.“Stop stealing my guns.”He chuckles.It’s a game; search and find, tag - he steals, I chase.





	Runaway Train

_***_

 

_How long was I sleeping_

_Did you wake me_

_It didn't feel like that long_

 

***

 

He is still beautiful.

Black hair like the deepest night, eyes lit like stars.

He sits still, unmoving, a gun tucked against his ribs. The metal moves with every intake of breath, street lights glitter on the smooth surface. The stars reflect on the shining metal.

My steps echo on the roof tiles. Up here the city is silent, though restless like a black lake. Every car, street light, is another ripple on the water’s surface. Billions of people in the streets, apartments, subway tunnels - here we are alone.

He cocks his head, his eyes find mine. Without a word I sit down beside him, our knees brush, our shoulders press together. The night has always been ours. Now, we are neither friend nor foe. We just are. Long ago we traded our skintight uniforms for armor. Yet he still looks lean, skinny even.

I take the gun from his fingers, place it on the ground beside me.

“Stop stealing my guns.”

He chuckles.

It’s a game; search and find, tag - he steals, I chase.

 

***

 

_Nowadays I just sleep in_

_Life is different_

_Thought I'd never get old_

_Sometimes I just miss it_

_Being reckless_

_We were indestructible_

_Who knew that time would slip away from us_

 

***

 

“Took you long enough.”

I have to smile, tap the metal of my right leg. “No more running for me.”

It’s been 6 years and he still flinches, lowers his gaze, refuses to look a my legs. It’s not guilt nor shame. We are both damaged, we are both broken, because time took more than our youth. I had to stop running. He has stopped flying. Time, this life, broke his wings and left him broken on the ground. He still stares at the sky at night, longingly, his fingers twitching, but he can’t reach the stars, can’t touch the clouds. A metal spine and shoulder are not suited for flying.

“How long have you been back?”

He stares down into the alleys beneath us. This is my territory now. We both had to give up the roofs, but I’m content enough to stay on the ground. He can’t. He tried, but he can’t.

This is still my city, my home, but Dick has become a nomad. He leaves, he returns, he vanishes for months and years. We never know where he goes, he never leaves any clues. And when he comes back, he slips across the rooftops as quietly as he dares. And sometimes he lets us accompany him.

“Two weeks.”, he murmurs, “Was in Nepal. Saw Damian. Or thought I saw him. Though I should come back to-” he stops. Sighs.

I pat his knee. I know. He doesn’t have to lie or pretend with me. “B is turning 60 next week.” He nods, I smile “I know why you are here, Dick. You don’t have to lie for my sake. Or your own.”

His head turns towards me, his gaze finds mine. His eyes shimmer in the dark, more gray than blue.

 

***

 

_At twenty something young_

_We had it all figured out_

_Its different now_

_Got so much more to think about_

_Why can't it still be the same_

_Can't stop this runaway train_

 

***

 

“Remember when B turned 40 and we asked Alfred to make rainbow colored cupcakes, and we hid them all over the manor and cave? He only found the one in the batmobile weeks after we had hid it there, because it started smelling?” He laughs. Never as carefree as he used to, but his whole frame shakes slightly and I know he’s not holding back. He’s not pretending.

“Yeah. He was pissed.” And we were happy. We thought it would go on like this forever. We grew up, but he still loved us, needed us. He couldn’t tell us, never uttered a word of love, need, of us being more than just a misfit family. But we are so much more. And next week all of us will come to the manor, share dinner, visit Alfred’s grave and mourn the time we lost as a family due to our pride. Me, more than anyone else, is guilty of this. I spent too many years pushing away the people that loved me. The Arkham Knight is dead, but his spirit still haunts me. I fight against his temptation every waking moment.

His fingers grab mine, he holds unto them quiet strongly.

“Will you come?”, he asks, part hopeful, part dreadful.

I nod. He came back, so of course I will. He doesn’t know that and never will, but he smiles briefly before he turns back to the city at our feet.

He was my hero. During nights like these, he still is.

 

***

 

_The memories are all we have_

_Framed in our minds like photographs_

_So why can't it still be the same_

_Can't stop this runaway train_

_Runaway train_

 

***

 

The first time I met him, I was a child, reckless and yet afraid. The darkness haunted me like it still does today. He was bright, glowing. His eyes were full of hope and his smile blinding. He chased away the nightmares I didn’t know I still had. I would have followed him anywhere. Bruce taught me to fight my fears, Dick showed me there was no reason to be afraid. He was everything I longed to be. And when I failed to follow his example, it broke me.

A crowbar had shattered my spine and thorax, my failure had crushed my mind. I died a good soldier; but not quiet good enough. Not for Bruce, not for myself. And Dick? He mourned and wailed, but he forgot about me too. After all these decades, I learned to forgive, but never to forget. I could shake off regrets and reproaches, but the memories stuck, burned into my mind like scars into skin. I have plenty of either. So does he.

We remain silent, just stare across the darkness and light, down unto moving vehicles and human beings still up at this time. The city never sleeps. We only do because we have to. We would love to be like the city, unaware of time and seasons, always awake, always upright, always strong. She doesn’t crumble, she doesn’t fall. Many have tried to bring her down, but she always persists. She’ll outlive us all, maybe even time itself. She’ll change and adapt, but she’ll always remain herself at her core. She is my home and I am her son. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t leave. I want to follow Dick into the world, see its wonders for myself and find new parts of myself in secluded mountains and crowded beaches. But peace, I can only find in the darkness and light of this city. Maybe it’s the same for him.

His fingers are still entwined with mine. He holds them tightly, squeezing slightly with every breath he takes. After months of solitude, he needs the contact; he doesn’t even realize he’s still holding on.

I’m here, Dick, I’m not going to leave.

 

***

 

_A world we were on top of_

_Had the promise_

_That we would reach our dreams_

_Who knew that in time_

_They would slip away from us_

_We were young and brave and free_

_Young and brave and free_

 

***

 

“How are-” his voice breaks “Damian? Tim? Are they- I-”

I squeeze his fingers gently before letting go. He has been gone 2 years this time and he hasn’t heard the news yet. I can’t blame him for being anxious.

“Me and Damian are still not on speaking terms. But he is well. The legacy he yearned for is his and he’s doing well. As is Tim. They work well together. Their fight… they sat down, talked, resolved their issues. And Bruce… he is as happy as he could be, given the circumstances.” Mentally, Bruce will never be ready to leave his legacy to someone else. Neither Damian nor Tim were good enough for him. They tried to make him choose. And both suffered for it. This way, they can share the burden, the responsibility, and the joy of making a difference. There will never be just one Batman. “Both are Batman, and yet, not. And we can all live with that.”

The legacy was never mine to take, as much as I wanted it. And whatever made Dick choose not to claim it as his, it made him miserable as well. He had hoped it would be his and yet he wasn’t willing to fight for it. And now, years later, he is still running. From himself? Us? Or a shadow from his past that still frightens him? “Robin” made us strong, proud, gave us something to fight for. As we took our own names, we were terrified, weak, insecure. None of us handled the loss well, though we dealt with it very differently. Nightwing and Red Hood could never do what Robin could. It took too many years to realize this. And today, we patrol the roofs and alleys of Gotham wearing different masks. But today, here, now, there is no need for those. He knows me. As I know him.

The silence stretches between us. He stares ahead, his fingers twitching in his lap. He’s restless again. And as expected he pushes himself up to his feet, ready to leave. I follow his movement and before he can say anything, I wrap my arms around him, press his head against my shoulder.

 

***

 

_At twenty something young_

_We had it all figured out_

_Its different now_

_Got so much more to think about_

_Why can't it still be the same_

_Can't stop this runaway train_

_The memories are all we have_

_Framed in our minds like photographs_

_So why can't it still be the same_

_Can't stop this runaway train_

_Runaway train_

 

***

 

“See you next week…” he mutters, mouth pressed against the fabric of my shirt.

“Promise.” I whisper against his hair.

As he steps back, he smiles. His eyes are bright, dark blue and gray, and glimmer with a hint of mischief. He is past forty and I wonder how he could remain as pure and innocent as he still is. He has seen as much torture and felt as much pain as I have, but his smile never faded, not completely. It grew a little weaker, a little tenser, but it never vanished. He still smiles like my Robin. My hero. And part of him will always be.

He vanishes into the darkness of the night, down the ladders and pipes that bought us up here. He can’t fly anymore, but he is still quick, quiet, elegant. I lose sight of him nearly immediately. He wasn’t born in Gotham, but she loves him best. And really, I can’t even fell jealous about that.

I can’t bring myself to move for the longest time, still staring at the glittering city lights.

 

***

 

_At twenty something young_

_We had it all figured out_

_Its different now_

_Got so much more to think about_

_Why can't it still be the same_

_Can't stop this runaway train_

 

***

 

20 years and I’m still in love with this life.

I can’t fall out of love, I don’t know how.

Sometimes I wish I did. But this city, this life, it's part of me.

**Author's Note:**

> picture credit: www.pexels.com
> 
> Song: Self Deception - Runaway Train


End file.
